I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
