The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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