One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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