I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
