He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
