you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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