i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
