There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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