Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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