The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
