for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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