there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
