On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
