Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
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