Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
