I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
