road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
