im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize