Texts From Last Night

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  (509): View more from Washington

  i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.

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  (509): i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it. http://tfl.nu/yjzk
  Replies (12) Good night (1026) Bad night (2712) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought

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  (405): I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo (918): Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought http://tfl.nu/a8il
  Replies (33) Good night (1098) Bad night (2021)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.

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  (610): I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/pcj6
  Replies (38) Good night (4111) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.

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  (715): I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed. http://tfl.nu/mebd
  Replies (21) Good night (4549) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS

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  (508): so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS http://tfl.nu/purw
  Replies (11) Good night (1263) Bad night (3166) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.

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  (570): I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever. http://tfl.nu/cjv6
  Replies (11) Good night (3095) Bad night (961) Order T-Shirt
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time

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  (808): I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time http://tfl.nu/zdse
  Replies (5) Good night (939) Bad night (1982) Order T-Shirt
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.

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  (219): THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA. http://tfl.nu/qipd
  Replies (2) Good night (2387) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?

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  (980): I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap? http://tfl.nu/ykcv
  Replies (11) Good night (579) Bad night (2124) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina

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  (914): I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina http://tfl.nu/2aox
  Replies (9) Good night (1169) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers

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  (250): Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers http://tfl.nu/71zx
  Replies (3) Good night (1009) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"

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  (484): Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME" http://tfl.nu/xsgw
  Replies (6) Good night (524) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.

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  (401): I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you. http://tfl.nu/woyu
  Replies (7) Good night (711) Bad night (232) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.

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  (614): We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened. http://tfl.nu/b5dx
  Replies (2) Good night (1044) Bad night (187) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots

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  (614): the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots http://tfl.nu/2b0r
  Replies (4) Good night (490) Bad night (167) Order T-Shirt

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