apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
