I think I won the penis lottery.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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