They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
