Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
