Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
