i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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