I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
