your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
