Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
