Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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