wat bout pragnant strippers??
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
