this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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