hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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