i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Still dying that you shit outside
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
