Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
