I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
