pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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