i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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