At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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