Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
At least life still wants to fuck me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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