she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
