its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize