I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
