At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
