I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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