I got chris browned last night
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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