You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
