a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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