if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
