return my video game
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
