So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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