I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
