I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
