Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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