Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
