addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
