Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
