Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
