i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
