A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
